Better late than never: Compliments of the New season, 2023…

Hey, hey 👋, it’s been a very loooooong time since I visited this spot, pardon me, as usual and always life been happening. I got stuck in 2022 but am glad my 2023 begins now. They say its better late than never so this blog post is a compilation of the snippets I was piling up. Good thing is I had been writing but just lost the guts to finish off and post. My mind been all over the place and it feels good to hold it up again 😊.

So, we now in 2023, never thought I would manage to get the strength to write cos’ my life been spiralling down. I never anticipated to start my new year on a bad note but well life happened. Am glad that am good at making lemonade out of lemons so, dear demons couldn’t conquer me. I chose to write because this is my safe space. One area that gets me unleashing all my emotions without being scared of any judgements. 2022 been fairly a good year, I made crucial decisions and am glad I got the courage. One of them being quitting my job, it was tough but had to do it for my sanity cos the environment turned to be a bit toxic. I couldn’t keep up with the pressure. Hahaha had to eliminate the statement, “I can work under pressure,” from my CV. Pressure suffocates me, am good working at my own pace. RuvaraShe Creative Writes and Peta Agro Initiatives has been my antidote; thanks to Solly Mangka and Ms Pearl for believing in me and reminding me of what I am capable of. Manuscripts have kept me sane as well as my Agro expertise. I got duped on my retailing hustle but as the year came to an end I made peace with it. When the going gets tough, I seek comfort in the saying, ‘I fall to rise again.’ You can tell I have risen cos am updating my blog 🤣. Overally, 2022 taught me much and am grateful for all the lessons; I pray 2023 will be a better space.

Beginning of each year I share some motivational post but well this year I been MIA. Deep inside it still felt like I was in 2022 and today I woke up feeling like its my new year. Funny thing January is my birth month and contrary to the common thing of partying on my born day, I decided to celebrate it low-key in bed. This had been my longest beauty sleep ever. The bed gave me so much comfort, had the sweetest dreams ever. I literally wrote in my diary, “My 2023 has just begun and am running with the theme 20plentyFREEdom and Flexibility. I refuse any entanglements, anything that doesn’t serve me right, anything that distracts my focus, anything not worth my energy; I am free mentally, emotionally, physically and all cally… At the same time, am flexible to changes, I am embracing things that I can not change and keep the focus. Gratitude and love is my antidote in this chapter of my life. I promise me to be at peace at all cost!” I really intended to start my newest year on this day but I wasn’t ready. Hahaha am laughing at my thoughts as I write, I mean do we ever get ready to start a new year or it just happens? Well, Tabitha lives in a world of all possibilities and am glad she is back to life.

My birth month brought me so much joy as I have been watching my baby starting off school. It’s amazing how time flies and the little one has been so much waiting to join her other friends in school. I still remember the excitement that she had when her school bus arrived to fetch her on the first day. Throughout this first month she has been fairly a good child with a few complaints here and there but am super proud of my baby girl. It feels good seeing her become a big girl.

Now that I have managed to get my writing mojo back, I pray in this season, I will be more consistent in sharing my tales, poems, inspirations and all that you find here. Thank you all for the likes and subscriptions, you keep me going. Much love 💓.

Awakening your inner child

I have had a lot of questions on the event that I have been advertising lately though it has been postponed due to some unforeseen circumstances. Many people were asking, “What exactly is an inner child?” So, since I got you all my ladies at heart and I promised to keep you in my writings this month, I will do so. The other gender, get me right, please, inner child thingy is not only female 🤣, everyone has their inner child. Okay so, what exactly do I mean by this inner child thing? 🤔
“A person’s supposed original or true self, especially when regarded as concealed in adulthood,” Google says.

Am sure now you understand why our theme had been awakening your inner child. If there is anything we can all long for, it is to be our true selves. The original us without any traumas, heartbreaks, disappointments, I mean, all that made you lose yourself. According to Health Psychology Consultancy, there are 7 inner child types, I will brief you on in this blog namely; the abandoned playful, spoiled, neglected, discounted, disconnected and fearful child.

Abandoned Child feels very lonely, insecure and unwanted, and craves attention and safety; fears of abandonment accompany the adult person, even in relationships. Busy, divorced or separated parents are often the main reason for the child feeling unwanted and struggling with issues of abandonment.

Neglected Child shows itself in depressed, lonesome and withdrawn adults. Not having experienced much love and nurturing during childhood, the person doesn’t know how to express it, and believes that they are unworthy of being loved.

Playful Child an often forgotten, healthy part of the creative adult personality that knows how to have spontaneous fun, and is relatively free of guilt and anxiety.

Spoiled Child shows up as impatient adults that tend to throw temper tantrums when immediate gratification of needs and wants isn’t readily forthcoming.

Fearful Child needs to hear continuous affirmation and encouragement otherwise the adult is nearly always filled with anxiety and panic. As a child, the person received a lot of criticism from caregivers.

Disconnected Child manifests in the adult that cannot trust easily, and stays isolated and uninvolved; intimacy is a fearful and foreign experience, because the developing child never had the opportunity to learn what it means to be close to someone.

Discounted Child this child was treated as if they didn’t exist and was made to feel invisible and generally ignored; in adulthood, self-belief and positive valuation is virtually absent, and the adult needs consistent loving attention and support to feel validated.

Generally, you might feel you have one or more of these inner child and its perfectly okay. You can heal from all the inner child wounds. All you gotta do is listen to your inner child, accept her, validate her and value all the difficult emotions that emerge from taking time with her. So, awakening your inner child helps you to discover her, know how to embrace her and how to engage with her regularly. It might take a while for her to trust you completely but eventually you will get there. Simply trust the process.

Dear woman, be proud of who you are!

As we celebrate this women’s month, I have been pondering on what it takes to be a woman specifically, a black African woman. I am proud to be who I am, and I have worked so hard to embrace my imperfections. This morning as I was dressing up for work, I took some time to stare at myself on my full-length mirror. There is a lot that I marvelled at on the way I look. My imperfect yellow teeth, thick lips, dark skin, and plumpness.

As I grinned at the thoughts that raced in my mind, I strolled in the memory lane. I remembered when I was in primary school and Samm, my friend would always make uncomfy comments about my teeth. She had the perfect white teeth, and I can’t deny she looked way prettier than me. One comment that is still vivid in my mind was, “Tabi, I wonder why your mouth doesn’t stink yet you have yellow teeth.” Perhaps it was meant to be a compliment but that got me conscious on how yellow my teeth were and how much it was associated to stinking mouth. On a good note at least, I didn’t have a bad breath.

Instead of letting this strip me off my confidence, I took some time to study my teeth. Of course, I once longed they were as white as Samm’s, but I wasn’t her and was never going to be her. I realised that its normal to have yellow teeth and in as much as my teeth are not perfectly aligned but they give me a perfect smile. A lot of people have complimented how much I have a grand smile. This has helped me understand that my thick lips are beautiful too. I once hated them when a girl named Bee in high school once nick named me Maromo (Big lips). Later, I realised some people go for surgery to get their lips thickened.

Looking at my overall physical appearance, I got chubby in my teens and felt so much unattractive. I had to vow that I would not date in high school because I felt no guy would ever want a chubby girlfriend. When I was 14, Pson the first guy who asked me out, made me realise I wasn’t bad after all. I remember him saying, “You are so chubby and cute that’s why I love you.” This compliment got me understanding that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and no one is ugly. We all are beautiful in our own ways.

Don’t be scared to believe in you and say it!

Growing up I have also observed that the lighter skinned women attract a lot of attention. This has made a lot of my sisters bleach their skin. I for one has been proud of my melanin skin but have an older sister whom I look alike to, but she is lighter. At times she says, “I wonder why people say we look alike yet I am light, and you are dark.” I used to feel like she is boasting about her lightness until I discovered that black is beauty. I love how flawless my dark skin is and would never trade it for anything.

So, to every woman out there, you are beautiful the way you are, keep that in mind. Each day when you wake up take some time to marvel at your looks. When you put on make-up, do it to enhance your looks not to hide your ill feelings on how you look. Work out to have a perfect body for you not anyone else if you feel the need to. Whatever that you do on your body, is your choice and it doesn’t have to be pushed by all the negative comments that come your way. You are amazing, just the way you are!