Falling for the Wrong Guy: My Quest for True Love

I, like many girls, have a bucket list of qualities I’m looking for in a partner to spend my life with. Over time, I’ve ticked and unticked some of these qualities, still searching for that special someone to grow old with. Although I feel a bit old for a fairytale romance, I haven’t lost hope. I still believe in giving love a chance.

I’m that girl who’s willing to kiss a thousand frogs before finding her prince charming. Each new relationship brings hope that I’ve finally found “the one.” My current relationship is no exception. The person I’m with doesn’t tick any of the boxes on my list, but somehow, he’s captured my heart. We’ve shared beautiful moments together, despite our vastly different backgrounds. He’s a rural boy, and I’m a city girl, but he makes me feel young and vibrant again.

I must admit, I’m crazy in love with him. However, our relationship took a drastic turn when I caught him cheating. He fed me lies, claiming he’d let go of the other relationship because he wanted only me. But the truth is, the other woman is still very much present in his life.

I’m done with him, but I’m finding it hard to let go. My attachment issues are breaking me. I’m angry with myself for ignoring the red flags and falling in love anyway. Why do I keep falling for the same type of guys? I need a change. I hope someday I’ll meet someone who truly loves and cherishes me.

Until then, I’ll keep believing in love and working on myself to recognize my worth and break free from toxic patterns.

Blood is Thicker than Water

In my years on this planet, one important lesson I’ve learned is that family comes first. My grandfather was a polygamist with seven wives, which has made my family quite large. I define my family ties in three categories:

Biological Family: My parents, siblings, and children.
Immediate Family: My father’s biological siblings and their families.
Extended Family: The rest of the family members in my grandfather’s polygamous relations.

One thing I’ve learned from my family is that amai ndi Mai, baba ndi Baba—we rarely use terms like babamukuru, Maiguru, bamunini, or mainini, or even “cousins.” If Portia is from the immediate or extended family, that doesn’t make her a cousin to me; she’s simply my sister, and I call her Akoma.

I love my family. We may not be perfect, but our diversity makes us beautiful. The happy moments, drama, feuds, and sad times fulfill our human nature.

I’ve observed that the bigger the family, the more drama there is. Now that I’m an adult, I’m experiencing the reality of family feuds. I wonder if our family ties will withstand the test of time. There seem to be more divisions and selfishness creeping in.

It feels like death keeps robbing us of the people who held our family together. If they’re not gone, they’re often accused of witchcraft. It’s truly sad. The fabric of our family is disintegrating with each passing moment. Could these be the last days mentioned in the Holy Book, in 2 Timothy 3:1–5? Angazi, but I ponder what will become of us if we fail to hold up our families.

No matter what happens, family comes first, and it’s blood that keeps us together. Friends can play their part, but there will always come a time when someone from your bloodline is needed.

I hope we can mend our shortcomings and be a family that stands together, keeping our ties strong. Nothing should destroy the Samanyanga blood in us as the offspring of Mawire Dickson Manyonga.

How Do I Know a Man Truly Loves Me?

It’s a thrilling feeling to tap into that creative energy, the kind that ignites the writer within me and compels me to share my thoughts 😊. Before diving into today’s story, I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to all of you who took the time to comment—whether here or in person. Your feedback means the world to me, and yes, some sense has indeed been knocked into my head. I love you all; you’re the reason I keep writing! ❣️

After navigating a few romantic relationships that ultimately didn’t pan out, I found myself reflecting on the patterns I keep repeating. What is it that I need to break free from? Insight after insight has been bubbling up, and with a little divine help, I’ve started to make sense of it all.

Last night, I struck up a conversation with my good friend Pastor Casper and posed the question that’s been on my mind: “How do I know a man truly loves me?” He replied with a question of his own, “How old is the guy?” I shared the background of someone who has caught my attention: “42, a divorcee with two kids…”

“What happened in his previous relationship?” he probed.

“He said their priorities no longer aligned, so they parted ways four years ago. They’re both moving on with their lives.”

“Ooh, I see. I ask because I’ve heard stories of divorcees going back to their exes when things get tough…”

His words struck a chord, sending me into deep contemplation. I’ve tried dating single guys before, only to be met with the excuse, “What if your baby dad comes back?”

No matter how many times I explained that we both agreed to love each other from a distance—co-parenting but not rekindling—I was left heartbroken. It made me wonder: how much does our past hinder our ability to embrace the present and future?

Sure, some people reunite with their first loves, but others are ready to start fresh. I told my beloved friend that I’m choosing to leave the past behind and allow myself to explore this new connection. He seems to check all my boxes, and while nothing is set in stone yet, I’m seriously considering giving it a shot! 😀

So, dear Readers, keep me in your prayers as I navigate this journey toward what I hope will be my happily ever after. And, of course, how do I truly know he is the one?