Mental Health Matters: triggered by HOZ Episode

I had a busy day trying to balance books for my new retailing business. August has been a trial run to check if it’s feasible and it has proved to be lucrative. It is said that opportunity meets preparedness, am glad that I took time to plan and get ready for this endeavour. I am forever grateful for every person who has supported me and trusted me with their needs. God bless you all.

After such a long day, all you gotta do is rest but it’s one of those days when insomnia is saying let’s stay together mami. I had a little squabble with a friend and I could sense myself losing it. At least I managed to cut the call and texted him a few reminders on our boundaries. I then had another healthier call with another friend who inspires me a lot. A few minutes chatting with him gets me rejuvenated. And yea I got my nerves on point once again.

To get some sleep, I decided to check on my favourite soapie, House of Zwide on some FB page. They usually post episodes in advance and some of us can binge watch 2 or 3 episodes at once. I don’t know if its not copyright infringement but well am just a viewer. If its any harm, askies, to the HOZ team. I do this in good faith, since the storyline is so captivating that I wish it was a novel, I could have finished reading it by now. Talking of faith, am really worried about Faith Zwide. Her mental breakdown triggered some memories. It helped me see the gap of our understanding in mental health matters as Africans. I got to question myself that are ghosts really there or its her guilty conscience playing bananas with her. Being black am thinking her issue needs exorcism but now a little enlightened on mental health, I feel some professional medical attention can set her free.

Its sad that Funani and Nkosi actually believe that she is faking it. They don’t know uBusi won’t rest until she takes Faith’s soul too. Why is she haunting her now though after 20 years of Ona not knowing her true identity? This then makes me believe that, her mind is now conscious that she is getting down. Because she is overwhelmed and under so much stress, the mind can no longer take it in hence the hallucinations. Mental health conditions are the worst so far because not many understand them.

Many are ashamed to talk about them or even just acknowledging they are not okay. I always say this, its okay not to be okay cos I too got not-okay-moments at times. It sucks not being yourself, dealing with demons that only you can see. Good thing is nothing ever stays the same. Whenever it gets dark and cloudy, rains are closer. It might pour on you but be rest assured, the rainbow will cover the sky and calm the raging storm. The sun will shine again and all will be well. Uzoba strong Ms Faith, you haven’t been my favourite character but on this one am with you.

Hugs and kisses to you

The writer in me

So, Tabitha is many things and one of them is a writer. You know at times it confuses me which title to use Writer or Author but I guess the difference is the same. I have been a writer who simply writes and rarely write anything about writing save if its coaching others how to write. When I started this blog, the goal was to keep my writing prowess on check, that’s why maybe its not too specific. I honestly aspire to be like “the real bloggers” out there who focus on one main thing but well I gotta stick to my style cos we are all unique in our ways. Here you will find a bit of poetry, motivational and inspirational story telling, some drama, life coaching tips, I mean, anything that just pops in my mind.

Anyway why am I here today, its pretty a little late for me to publish but can’t disappoint my social media team Purple Apex. Kuddos to Batsi and Ruva they have helped me improve in my writing consistency 🤗. In my native language we say kusatenda huroyi so, just needed to do this before I get into the why of this blog. Well, yesternight I attended some South African Author’s Celebration hosted by a good friend of mine, Solly. I had my sister Honge with me and we got there a few minutes late but early enough because you know Africans and time 🤣.

At this event I paid for some exhibition spot and carried my exhibition kit banners, books and the famous Chigubhu Lanterns as freebies only to get there and realise there was only one huge table for all exhibitors. On this table each author was supposed to put only 2 books and this was not what I expected at all. My night became cloudy at that instant cos how much I prepared and my expectations were not met. The set up too was offish, it felt like a book launch with the few selected panelist sharing about their books. Tabi, do you really need to sulk over this? No. So, I chose to focus on the good that I could take home.

When you change the way you look at things, they turn out to be better. I picked some few lessons which made my night worthwhile. At least I got 2 minutes to pitch on what my 2 books were about and got one publishing prospect plus some contacts. I clearly believe it might not have paid me being at that event at that moment but greater things are on my way.

Before I sign out I would love to share a few snippets on what I learnt for all fellow and aspiring authors:

Be intentional about your writing
Check on what value you need to add to the universe when you decide to write.
Don’t be a broke author, plan and set monthly targets for your book sales.
When given a platform to sell your book, sell the contents in the book not to just jump into giving the price.
Get reviews on your book cos nobody buys a book they have never heard of.

You can become a published author too before end of 2022.

Awakening your inner child

I have had a lot of questions on the event that I have been advertising lately though it has been postponed due to some unforeseen circumstances. Many people were asking, “What exactly is an inner child?” So, since I got you all my ladies at heart and I promised to keep you in my writings this month, I will do so. The other gender, get me right, please, inner child thingy is not only female 🤣, everyone has their inner child. Okay so, what exactly do I mean by this inner child thing? 🤔
“A person’s supposed original or true self, especially when regarded as concealed in adulthood,” Google says.

Am sure now you understand why our theme had been awakening your inner child. If there is anything we can all long for, it is to be our true selves. The original us without any traumas, heartbreaks, disappointments, I mean, all that made you lose yourself. According to Health Psychology Consultancy, there are 7 inner child types, I will brief you on in this blog namely; the abandoned playful, spoiled, neglected, discounted, disconnected and fearful child.

Abandoned Child feels very lonely, insecure and unwanted, and craves attention and safety; fears of abandonment accompany the adult person, even in relationships. Busy, divorced or separated parents are often the main reason for the child feeling unwanted and struggling with issues of abandonment.

Neglected Child shows itself in depressed, lonesome and withdrawn adults. Not having experienced much love and nurturing during childhood, the person doesn’t know how to express it, and believes that they are unworthy of being loved.

Playful Child an often forgotten, healthy part of the creative adult personality that knows how to have spontaneous fun, and is relatively free of guilt and anxiety.

Spoiled Child shows up as impatient adults that tend to throw temper tantrums when immediate gratification of needs and wants isn’t readily forthcoming.

Fearful Child needs to hear continuous affirmation and encouragement otherwise the adult is nearly always filled with anxiety and panic. As a child, the person received a lot of criticism from caregivers.

Disconnected Child manifests in the adult that cannot trust easily, and stays isolated and uninvolved; intimacy is a fearful and foreign experience, because the developing child never had the opportunity to learn what it means to be close to someone.

Discounted Child this child was treated as if they didn’t exist and was made to feel invisible and generally ignored; in adulthood, self-belief and positive valuation is virtually absent, and the adult needs consistent loving attention and support to feel validated.

Generally, you might feel you have one or more of these inner child and its perfectly okay. You can heal from all the inner child wounds. All you gotta do is listen to your inner child, accept her, validate her and value all the difficult emotions that emerge from taking time with her. So, awakening your inner child helps you to discover her, know how to embrace her and how to engage with her regularly. It might take a while for her to trust you completely but eventually you will get there. Simply trust the process.

She has a voice, let her roar!

Muted
She can’t let out a sound
Suppressed
Her voice can’t be heard
Victimised
She cries to be freed

Her cries get louder
They turn to a roar
She roars
They get shocked
She has a voice, let her roar!

She is every woman
A mother for her children
A wife to her husband
An executive in the boardroom
A slut in her sanctified bedroom
A colleague in the workplace
A friend to embrace
An aunt to confide in
A sister to cherish

Never underestimate her power
She can bring forth fruit
Nurture and nourish it
She is gifted in multiplication
All she touches gets plenty
She has a voice, let her roar!
That’s the only way to see her capacity

This piece was first published in the She Roars Newsletter Volume 1 2019

Women; precious jewels!

Hello August, I have been waiting for you. Your windiness reminds me that, there is always a time to shed off all that is dead and unwanted from your system. It mighty be a little dusty but the bigger picture is all we gotta focus on; shedding off 😊.

May August offer you the best in all your endeavours…

As we celebrate women’s month in South Africa, I want every woman to remember that they are important. We been labeled as the weaker vessels even in the Bible but we all know how strong we are. We can stand terrible period cramps, endure excruciating labour pains, and raise a whole human being. The most exciting part of a woman, is the ability to multiply all she touches. Amazing, right?

Each time you wanna doubt yourself, remember that a world without women would be dead. So, it’s high time, ladies please, we value and embrace who we are. Have the ability to stand for what you believe in, go for your dreams and never let anyone suppress you.

Watch out for red flags wherever you are. It’s time not to settle for anything less. I feel nudged to talk about a lot of things that affects my gender, but today I will end here. Your take home is if you are a woman reading this, you are blessed beyond measure, tap into your greatness and enjoy the wonderful gift of life. And if you are a man reading this, take this month to appreciate every woman in your life, shower them with so much love and make it a daily habit even after this month.

Know your position and stick to what you deserve…

Ooops before, I leave, ladies in and around South Africa, let’s all meet this monthend to celebrate this exciting women’s month. Check out the flyer below, register by clicking on this Google form 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾 https://forms.gle/i5SpaJTwRaYxV6do9

Don’t miss out, we got some gifts for you… too..

Till we meet, next time, I love you all ❣️

Insecure

Insecurities made by one’s promiscuity
I couldn’t let go, consumed all the toxicity
And they now suffocate
My innocent soul
I lost trust in all masculinity
Each time history acts like its playing repeat
I cower into my shell
Each missed call on a Friday night
Gets me into a relapse of the trauma once caused
By being with a cheat
I lost trust in that gender
They say it is earned
But how do I express my fears without showing the insecurities?
I wanna be the perfect girl
Who shines through it all
But the anxiety of what he is doing when he is MIA drains me
“Heal first.”
They tell me
Each time I make that move to be with the next one
Deep inside I feel I have healed
But scars always remain
And its like the wounds never heal
As each time he blue ticks my Whatsapp messages
I turn red with rage
I want him to know my fragility
But I have been taught to be strong
Big girls don’t cry, I remind myself
Maybe he is just too busy
And well, he is not that one
I lost trust in the one I wanna have children with
Should I keep holding on?
Giving him the benefit of doubt?
Maybe he aint what I met in my past
And his reasons for being MIA and the blue ticks are genuine
He apologies when I open my mouth to complain
Wait…. isn’t what that one would do?
Impatience doesn’t exist in my vocabulary
I take my time in taking in all the shenanigans
The scars aren’t healing coz the wounds got deeper
I moved on because I vowed never to loose hope in love
But the insecurities forever linger
I wish he knew how dark my past has been
So that he wont bring the memories back again
💔

TalesOfTabitha

_tellAtale_

12.06.2022: 2221hrs

Stop the war!

I have learnt to mind my own business but some happenings just get on my way and am forced to mind them too. So, Russia and Ukraine are in war, at first I was indifferent about it all. Not that I don’t care about humanity but then am like, ‘…can’t the Ukrainian President just surrender because Russia doesn’t look like it will back off anytime soon…’

This war is now getting personal ever since the petroleum prices hiked. A 2l cooking oil bottle that was once not more than R50 has doubled the price. Now everything else is increasing the price and when you are on a salary based income, you are so much in trouble. Its not enough and it will never be enough. You wonder of side hustling and your boss wants all your time to themselves. Yea, you gotta bring results coz they are the ones paying you 😂 the best favour they are doing to you. How ironic?

I have gone back to my New Year’s resolutions to check if I have made any progress and realised out of my 6 first quarter goals, only 2 have been fulfilled. The other 4, they seem like they will take years. I have been frustrated but then consoled myself by saying we still got 9 more months to go. Only what’s needed is to sit down and restrategise. A contigency plan needs to be set before you suffocate. One thing am grateful for is my coping mechanisms have greatly improved over the years so, I face each new day with as much positivity as possible, price hikes or not!

Dear woman, be proud of who you are!

As we celebrate this women’s month, I have been pondering on what it takes to be a woman specifically, a black African woman. I am proud to be who I am, and I have worked so hard to embrace my imperfections. This morning as I was dressing up for work, I took some time to stare at myself on my full-length mirror. There is a lot that I marvelled at on the way I look. My imperfect yellow teeth, thick lips, dark skin, and plumpness.

As I grinned at the thoughts that raced in my mind, I strolled in the memory lane. I remembered when I was in primary school and Samm, my friend would always make uncomfy comments about my teeth. She had the perfect white teeth, and I can’t deny she looked way prettier than me. One comment that is still vivid in my mind was, “Tabi, I wonder why your mouth doesn’t stink yet you have yellow teeth.” Perhaps it was meant to be a compliment but that got me conscious on how yellow my teeth were and how much it was associated to stinking mouth. On a good note at least, I didn’t have a bad breath.

Instead of letting this strip me off my confidence, I took some time to study my teeth. Of course, I once longed they were as white as Samm’s, but I wasn’t her and was never going to be her. I realised that its normal to have yellow teeth and in as much as my teeth are not perfectly aligned but they give me a perfect smile. A lot of people have complimented how much I have a grand smile. This has helped me understand that my thick lips are beautiful too. I once hated them when a girl named Bee in high school once nick named me Maromo (Big lips). Later, I realised some people go for surgery to get their lips thickened.

Looking at my overall physical appearance, I got chubby in my teens and felt so much unattractive. I had to vow that I would not date in high school because I felt no guy would ever want a chubby girlfriend. When I was 14, Pson the first guy who asked me out, made me realise I wasn’t bad after all. I remember him saying, “You are so chubby and cute that’s why I love you.” This compliment got me understanding that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and no one is ugly. We all are beautiful in our own ways.

Don’t be scared to believe in you and say it!

Growing up I have also observed that the lighter skinned women attract a lot of attention. This has made a lot of my sisters bleach their skin. I for one has been proud of my melanin skin but have an older sister whom I look alike to, but she is lighter. At times she says, “I wonder why people say we look alike yet I am light, and you are dark.” I used to feel like she is boasting about her lightness until I discovered that black is beauty. I love how flawless my dark skin is and would never trade it for anything.

So, to every woman out there, you are beautiful the way you are, keep that in mind. Each day when you wake up take some time to marvel at your looks. When you put on make-up, do it to enhance your looks not to hide your ill feelings on how you look. Work out to have a perfect body for you not anyone else if you feel the need to. Whatever that you do on your body, is your choice and it doesn’t have to be pushed by all the negative comments that come your way. You are amazing, just the way you are!

Letter to My Self

Dear Self

I am super sorry for the times I forgot your worth 😔.

For the times I settled for less because ndozviripo.

For the times my irrational decisions hurt you.

For the times I took in toxins and nearly killed you.

For the times I sought for validation in other selves and forgot to consult you.

For the times I forgot to acknowledge your beauty, bravery and awesomeness.

You are an amazing being and I love you so much.

Once again am sorry, I will definitely treat you better than before.

Love Me

It’s allowed to say NO and STOP unapologetically!

Last night my aunt sent me a video of my almost 3-year-old daughter trying to shoot her a video and she was not interested. The video starts with her complaining, “handisi kuda kutorwa picta…” (trans; I don’t want to be taken a picture). She was busy chasing a blue balloon and when she noticed that they were still filming her, she rushed and hid behind the curtain leaving her balloon still shouting, “handisi kuda kutorwa picta…” Within a few seconds, she came out of her hiding spot hoping that the videographer had given up. To her frustration, they had not given up. She took her balloon and went to hide by the side of the sofa now in tears. When she realised, they were not going to stop and everyone was laughing at her resilience, she rushed to attack the videographer. I could see the devastation in her eyes as she cried and hit Aunt telling her to stop. People around were laughing and asking her why she was not interested.

You owe no one an explation for what you don’t like. Periodt.

This hit me so hard, at what point do people really get to understand a NO? My daughter wasn’t interested, and she made it clear but to everyone else it was some sort of a joke. What I loved was she was brave enough to fight. She had to do whatever it takes to defend her choice. I hope she grows up that way, having the spirit of shielding herself. There are predators out there so the fighter in you needs to be kept alive, only to be used when need be. Of course, I don’t want her to develop violent traits. Everyone deserves to be heard.

I hope our society learns to respect other people’s choices. A no should be treated as such whether it feels silly or not. The fact that one is not interested in a particular thing they have to say it unapologetically. Our kids need to feel listened to so that they may also listen when we tell them to stop doing something. Every little thing that happens to them in these early stages, its shaping them into the adult you will see in future. Its on us to mould them into the best versions of themselves from a young age. They are indeed the future of tomorrow.