Still in the consistency spirit, I was about to miss my weekly target so decided to drop this piece I recently wrote. I literally shed some tears jotting it down, someone somewhere have gone through this and may they heal from all the trauma caused.
It reads….
“What’s your body count?” I scream, “If you know it then what?” I lost my virginity at thirty To a gang rape of eight different men I felt the different dicks torturing my innocent pussy In less than any hour I had felt all types, big, small, dark, light, circumcised, uncircumcised, shaved and unshaved Yea, I visited the rape clinic and got treated But where I come from we don’t believe in therapy Physically I healed but mentally, am a broken piece Since then sex has been my favourite hobby Maybe it will help fill the void that was left within I am now forty and have slept with twenty men a year So, you are definitely my 201 body count Thanks to the elasticity of the walls You can’t even tell how many have dug through them It’s fulfilling; makes me forget how I lost my dignity How could I keep myself safe all that long only to be attacked ferociously? I hate it when you ask me, “What’s your body count?” Cos’ you honestly don’t wanna know
Walking into a new chapter of my life with so much courage and brevity, letting go the past…
A few days ago, Tabitha turned a year older. It feels so good to grow up, to see each new day, to embrace all that it brings. No matter how hard it can be, I am forever grateful for this wonderful gift of lift. I still strive to be the best version of me. I can’t deny I am getting so much impatient with a lot of things in my life, I just feel there are so many delays. Well they say delay is not denial so, help me Lord to be a little more patient. When the time is right all will perfectly fall into place, I still believe.
My birthday started on a very bad note but my rising above spirit kept me afloat. I had bae putting up an unnecessary tantrum on me because I had checked on our plans for the day, it wasn’t nothing new, we do this frequently but on this day guess he got to be on his menses 😂. We had our squabble but I did not allow it to get to me instead I channelled my energy to cleaning up some new business joint. Y’all know Tabitha is a hustler so, another idea is being brewed.
As I thought I had had enough for the day, daddy dearest got me another unwelcome surprise. He started some negative talk which I sweetly silenced him by asking him to be the support system he is meant to be. I am glad he listened and we left each other on a somewhat good standing. It really felt like they had teamed up on me with bae but well no man whatsoever was gonna mess up my day.
I went for the cleaning spree which was so therapeautic, had two friends helping me out, Precy and Liz. After cleaning up we went for ice cream with Liz. It was the perfect birthday treat ever. I felt super relieved when we left the ice-cream joint. I got home to find my daughter waiting for a cake. I promised her to get one after the back to school hustle so, am already in debt in less than 10 days into the new year 😂.
It is what it is but am glad I made the most of a day I thought was going to be sombre. This new year added unto me will surely be remarkable, I can sense it all over and around me; that 6th sense, it never lies.
I am back again after a long time 🤦🏾♀️. Consistency is still a huge challenge to me but well since it’s a new year am set for a mindset shift hence AM RISING ABOVE this obstacle and many others. Writing a new year post has been my thing since I started this blog so yipeee some consistent element is still within me; it simply needs more cultivation and am on it. I truly want to improve on this one.
This reminder pops up every Tuesday morning and stays with me all day long…
Eversince I promised to keep this place well fed, I tried to keep up for a couple of weeks and even set a reminder on my phone but well life’s happenings got the best of me as usual 🤦🏾♀️. If I say I wasn’t writing, I would be lying; I wrote a number of stories but just lost the motivation and strength to click the publish button. One of my excuses has been, “Oh, I am supposed to share something on my blog but I do not have time to download some graphics to add on to the story…” Yea, I made a conscious decision to keep the blog colourful and posting a story nje creeps the hell out of me… The excuse is good enough, huh?
I no longer have no writing excuse, whatsoever!
So, the point is whenever we don’t live up to our expectations, we always come up with excuses. I expect to find myself writing frequently with no excuse whatsoever but because I am human, I still have a reason why I haven’t been able to do so. Genuine or not, I know better but we do this in many things in our lives so, in this new season, I just wanna rise above any excuses. I wanna do what I am supposed to do or that which I set my mind to do effectively and consistently.
Just don’t give up on yourself!
2023 has been such a challenging year for me as I have been trying to get back on my feet for I fall to rise again. I am grateful that nomatter how difficult it has been, I managed to see 2024 which is a season I am so hopeful that it is going to be a lot more better. They say talk is cheap so, in this season I pray that I may be a person of a few words and more action-oriented.
I am rising above all negative vibes…
I choose to rise above all obstacles that have hindered my progress. And this is my prayer for YOU, yes you who is reading this blog, may you rise above all your challenges, you know them, list them down and tell them one by one that you are rising above❣️
On my last blog I promised to work on my consistency and am glad here I am today publishing something 😊. I feel so proud of myself ☺️… Anyway let me get to today’s business where am going to be talking about 23 August 2023 in Zimbabwe. I feel like a journalist 😂 reporting some current affairs.
Anyway so, you might be wondering what’s happening on this specific day especially if you ain’t a Zimbo 🤔. Well, we are going to be voting for the President who will lead us for the next 5 years. Election time usually come with a lot of instability socially and economically so we just keep on praying for peace and more peace.
I hope we have registered to vote in numbers because each and every vote matters and counts. I also hope whoever and whichever party is going to win has people at heart. Together we can make this land a better space.
Before I sign out let me share a little bit of voting ettiquette;
You are not to go to the polling station in your favourite party’s regalia; your vote is your secret.
You must not have cutex or artificial nails on the pinky finger that you dip in the ink
Arrive early at the polling station
Go home and rest after casting your vote; avoid unnecessary gatherings.
Above all mantain the peace, it begins with you.
Let’s go and choose our favourite candidates and once again may they keep our interests at heart 😊.
Eeish am now used to start sharing by saying, ‘its been long…’ Well, yea I seriously need to repent and master the consistency game cos’ this ain’t good at all. I need to keep tuned to the followers on this blog. You all did a great job offering your subscription but this Writer is constantly disappointing. “Hey Tabitha, behave!” From now on, I will be more loyal cos’ it’s not like the tales aren’t there but I just kinda find myself super occupied with all kind of stuff out there.
The goal is to publish every week…
So, today I decided to drop a piece of poetry I wrote a couple of months ago. May it help us not to be too hard on our offsprings; its okay to discipline and reprimand them but may it be with so much love. The piece reads…
I remember when your loudiness used to upset me; dear son, dear daughter. How you would scream early in the morning whilst taking your shower, waking me up from my sweet dreams. How you would sing your nursery rhymes all day long, disturbing my daily thought process. When pricked, how you would put up those crazy tantrums.
I remember how I let out complaint after complaint, how I screamed at you and even spanked you to get you silent; dear son, dear daughter. Now you are older and the silence is deafening. The message I sent to you sank deep within. You spend much time locked in your room. Are you exploring your body? Who are you talking to? I mean, if you cant talk to me. At times I hear you sobbing silently.
Honestly, I miss your noise. Please daughter, please sonny, open the door for me, come out into the hallway, scream and sing all you want. I want to hear the sound of your voice. I promise never to shut you up ever again.
Over the past few weeks, I have been going through a rough patch. All in my life seemed upside down. Getting out of bed was such a huge task but I had to. At 5 am daily, my alarm would remind me that it’s time to face another day. This call made me super scared coz the days were coming with more sorrow than joy. I felt disturbed but no one could see it unless I told them the mess I was. At times I just found tears trickling down even when I kept confessing that, “I am okay.” This felt deceiving because I was just too far from being okay.
Crawl if you must…
I am grateful for all those who showered me with so much love through comforting words although for a moment they felt like heavy blows on my weary soul because they sounded like a boring song stuck on replay. Deep inside, I just needed an immediate solution to the breakdown trigger. When I calmed a bit and paid attention to the words, I picked the silver lining and am like inasmuch as throwing in the towel feels so noble for me lemme give myself another chance. Another chance to try again, another chance to ride over the tide, another chance to believe in me, another chance to shine again… In this dark space, I got to be questioning God a million times and even accused Him of abandoning me but He reminded me that He will forever be God in good and bad times. His grace is sufficient for me, He gently whispered, “Be still…” The moment I got still all the noise within silenced and peace was all I got.
Not Forgotten Remembered with LOVE Book Launch advert
I wrote and compiled a Mental Health Awareness Poetry Anthology with other poets and experiencing some anxiety and depression after the launch of such an inspiring project was the least I expected. But I realised am not immune to the pressures and stresses of life. It takes so much courage and brevity to keep your head up high in these trying times. Not everyone really understands your inner battles, cherish the few who does. During this dark phase, I cried, vented and prayed. There were days I spent in bed, nothing made sense but today, here I am writing another song of hope. I haven’t conquered what got me down but I allowed myself to be still and start over again… I know sooner or later, I will get that which am longing for; I just keep the faith and focus.
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Let’s take care of our mental health and desist from being too hard on us…
I come from a nation where almost everyone is in business. Majority of the youths are “entrepreneurs”. I quote because if we get to the literal meaning of the term, guess only a quarter fits in; but well, it is what it is. One thing that I have observed in my so many years of doing this entrepreneurship thingy is that most of the businesses suffer from stunted growth. There are so many factors to this but I just want to look at one area which has boggled me for a long time; which is how we tend to take advantage of each others’ small businesses.
Yea…
I mean when we walk into the bigger stores we never negotiate the prices for what we are interested in purchasing. We just pay the price silently but when I decide to support a fellow sister or brother, I treat them like am doing them a favour. Of course, many a time the small business is in dire need of any amount you offer but have you thought of how much you are inhibiting its growth by offering peanuts?
It’s this simple…
I have come to the realisation that when we are in business, we are all assisting each other. I have a product/service you need/want and vice versa. None of us should make each other feel like they are being taken advantage of. Negotiations are allowed but to a little extent; one can’t be explaining their pricing model over and over again. If you ain’t happy with what is being offered, move to the next seller and stop making others feel bad for stating their price. Funny thing you can purchase expensive stuff in well known stores so, why not respect the small businesses? We all want to grow and kindly understand the efforts we put in our work to give you satisfaction. You ain’t doing anyone a favour by choosing them to offer you services.
I can do it…
I pray that I also become a better supporter for other people’s businesses. From now on, I wanna walk into small businesses with utmost respect and be willing to pay the price as stated. I don’t want to be the reason why someone else’s business remains stuck on the same spot. They would rather suffer from all the unmentioned factors in this blog and not this one. We are in this together❣️
Hey, hey 👋, it’s been a very loooooong time since I visited this spot, pardon me, as usual and always life been happening. I got stuck in 2022 but am glad my 2023 begins now. They say its better late than never so this blog post is a compilation of the snippets I was piling up. Good thing is I had been writing but just lost the guts to finish off and post. My mind been all over the place and it feels good to hold it up again 😊.
Follow your heart…
So, we now in 2023, never thought I would manage to get the strength to write cos’ my life been spiralling down. I never anticipated to start my new year on a bad note but well life happened. Am glad that am good at making lemonade out of lemons so, dear demons couldn’t conquer me. I chose to write because this is my safe space. One area that gets me unleashing all my emotions without being scared of any judgements. 2022 been fairly a good year, I made crucial decisions and am glad I got the courage. One of them being quitting my job, it was tough but had to do it for my sanity cos the environment turned to be a bit toxic. I couldn’t keep up with the pressure. Hahaha had to eliminate the statement, “I can work under pressure,” from my CV. Pressure suffocates me, am good working at my own pace. RuvaraShe Creative Writes and Peta Agro Initiatives has been my antidote; thanks to Solly Mangka and Ms Pearl for believing in me and reminding me of what I am capable of. Manuscripts have kept me sane as well as my Agro expertise. I got duped on my retailing hustle but as the year came to an end I made peace with it. When the going gets tough, I seek comfort in the saying, ‘I fall to rise again.’ You can tell I have risen cos am updating my blog 🤣. Overally, 2022 taught me much and am grateful for all the lessons; I pray 2023 will be a better space.
Surrender and allow!
Beginning of each year I share some motivational post but well this year I been MIA. Deep inside it still felt like I was in 2022 and today I woke up feeling like its my new year. Funny thing January is my birth month and contrary to the common thing of partying on my born day, I decided to celebrate it low-key in bed. This had been my longest beauty sleep ever. The bed gave me so much comfort, had the sweetest dreams ever. I literally wrote in my diary, “My 2023 has just begun and am running with the theme 20plentyFREEdom and Flexibility. I refuse any entanglements, anything that doesn’t serve me right, anything that distracts my focus, anything not worth my energy; I am free mentally, emotionally, physically and all cally… At the same time, am flexible to changes, I am embracing things that I can not change and keep the focus. Gratitude and love is my antidote in this chapter of my life. I promise me to be at peace at all cost!” I really intended to start my newest year on this day but I wasn’t ready. Hahaha am laughing at my thoughts as I write, I mean do we ever get ready to start a new year or it just happens? Well, Tabitha lives in a world of all possibilities and am glad she is back to life.
Happy Birthday to Me!
My birth month brought me so much joy as I have been watching my baby starting off school. It’s amazing how time flies and the little one has been so much waiting to join her other friends in school. I still remember the excitement that she had when her school bus arrived to fetch her on the first day. Throughout this first month she has been fairly a good child with a few complaints here and there but am super proud of my baby girl. It feels good seeing her become a big girl.
My baby’s first artwork…
Now that I have managed to get my writing mojo back, I pray in this season, I will be more consistent in sharing my tales, poems, inspirations and all that you find here. Thank you all for the likes and subscriptions, you keep me going. Much love 💓.
So, I decided to watch the Dahmer Monster: Jeffrey Dahmer story, a series on Netflix. I saw a couple of reviews on FB when it was termed satanic but I chose to watch it after I heard it was true crime. I thought I was going to see some eerie stuff but well it wasn’t that scary but of course, it got me thinking deeply of what kind of a world we are in.
Most of the things that happened there were before I was born and am thinking times have changed and there might be more of these heart rending incidents happening now. But the most striking part is when Jeff chose to be baptised so, the whole night I been thinking after all those gruesome murders, He repents and got baptised and gets access to Heaven, just like that. Of course, the human nature in me screams, “No maan! It cant be!” But well His ways are not our ways. If Jeff’s repentance was truthful he is dining with the angels and us judges on earth might end up rotting in hell for it is said, “Judge not.” Its easy to put sins on a scale but one thing I learnt is sin is sin. There isn’t first nor third degree sin. So, help me Lord.
Seeing this series made me realise its never too late to make a change. God loves you, nomatter how dirty you might feel; that step towards Him can make a difference. Nothing under the sun ever stays the same so, never hesitate to start afresh. Each new day given to you is an opportunity to start over and shine. It doesn’t matter that it’s year end and you haven’t accomplished much, you still have an opportunity to do it all as long as you are alive. Keep on pushing, keep on trying, you will get there.
So, today I am going all poetic. This piece I wrote it whilst thinking of how I will recite it on stage. Disclaimer: Its just a poem nothing personal 😂. I am a Spoken Word Artist in making, my trainer Mr Morset Billie has sabotaged me 😂, maybe am taking too long to get the drill. Anyways, I believe soon I will be bracing the stage cos he is such a great teacher and am learning from the best. Enjoy❣
I woke up thinking of… About him whom my soul vowed to stick to… With every fibre of my being I loved him so much… Dearly that I thought he will never leave me My complains were deeper cries for him to come closer Rather away they pushed him far far… I tried stretching my arm to reach him That’s only when I realised my shortness Gone, for good, he is… I miss him but I lost all that I ever had about… Of him who could gimme goosebumps and butterflies at the same time Is he still having flashbacks of us… Together walking hand in hand on the seashore Our laughter filling the atmosphere And love reigned We felt it in our nakedness as we caressed each other… Deep to the soul But now there are all memories He is gone….
Tales Of Tabitha 