I am wired to be perfect For there hasn’t been a room for any mistake In my entire life Each door for excuses is securely locked Perfection is a requirement To which if I fail to uphold I will be doomed But wait, I am an imperfect being! Who cares?! Every mistake made calls for a punishment How do I unwire the perfectionism And just acknowledge my imperfections Because none of us is perfect We are all full of blemishes And there is no need for any denigration to anyone whatsoever Embrace me as I am and allow me to learn from my mistakes Without so much condemnation I can only be my best version not perfect.
Hey, hey 👋, it’s been a very loooooong time since I visited this spot, pardon me, as usual and always life been happening. I got stuck in 2022 but am glad my 2023 begins now. They say its better late than never so this blog post is a compilation of the snippets I was piling up. Good thing is I had been writing but just lost the guts to finish off and post. My mind been all over the place and it feels good to hold it up again 😊.
Follow your heart…
So, we now in 2023, never thought I would manage to get the strength to write cos’ my life been spiralling down. I never anticipated to start my new year on a bad note but well life happened. Am glad that am good at making lemonade out of lemons so, dear demons couldn’t conquer me. I chose to write because this is my safe space. One area that gets me unleashing all my emotions without being scared of any judgements. 2022 been fairly a good year, I made crucial decisions and am glad I got the courage. One of them being quitting my job, it was tough but had to do it for my sanity cos the environment turned to be a bit toxic. I couldn’t keep up with the pressure. Hahaha had to eliminate the statement, “I can work under pressure,” from my CV. Pressure suffocates me, am good working at my own pace. RuvaraShe Creative Writes and Peta Agro Initiatives has been my antidote; thanks to Solly Mangka and Ms Pearl for believing in me and reminding me of what I am capable of. Manuscripts have kept me sane as well as my Agro expertise. I got duped on my retailing hustle but as the year came to an end I made peace with it. When the going gets tough, I seek comfort in the saying, ‘I fall to rise again.’ You can tell I have risen cos am updating my blog 🤣. Overally, 2022 taught me much and am grateful for all the lessons; I pray 2023 will be a better space.
Surrender and allow!
Beginning of each year I share some motivational post but well this year I been MIA. Deep inside it still felt like I was in 2022 and today I woke up feeling like its my new year. Funny thing January is my birth month and contrary to the common thing of partying on my born day, I decided to celebrate it low-key in bed. This had been my longest beauty sleep ever. The bed gave me so much comfort, had the sweetest dreams ever. I literally wrote in my diary, “My 2023 has just begun and am running with the theme 20plentyFREEdom and Flexibility. I refuse any entanglements, anything that doesn’t serve me right, anything that distracts my focus, anything not worth my energy; I am free mentally, emotionally, physically and all cally… At the same time, am flexible to changes, I am embracing things that I can not change and keep the focus. Gratitude and love is my antidote in this chapter of my life. I promise me to be at peace at all cost!” I really intended to start my newest year on this day but I wasn’t ready. Hahaha am laughing at my thoughts as I write, I mean do we ever get ready to start a new year or it just happens? Well, Tabitha lives in a world of all possibilities and am glad she is back to life.
Happy Birthday to Me!
My birth month brought me so much joy as I have been watching my baby starting off school. It’s amazing how time flies and the little one has been so much waiting to join her other friends in school. I still remember the excitement that she had when her school bus arrived to fetch her on the first day. Throughout this first month she has been fairly a good child with a few complaints here and there but am super proud of my baby girl. It feels good seeing her become a big girl.
My baby’s first artwork…
Now that I have managed to get my writing mojo back, I pray in this season, I will be more consistent in sharing my tales, poems, inspirations and all that you find here. Thank you all for the likes and subscriptions, you keep me going. Much love 💓.
I had a busy day trying to balance books for my new retailing business. August has been a trial run to check if it’s feasible and it has proved to be lucrative. It is said that opportunity meets preparedness, am glad that I took time to plan and get ready for this endeavour. I am forever grateful for every person who has supported me and trusted me with their needs. God bless you all.
Imagine!
After such a long day, all you gotta do is rest but it’s one of those days when insomnia is saying let’s stay together mami. I had a little squabble with a friend and I could sense myself losing it. At least I managed to cut the call and texted him a few reminders on our boundaries. I then had another healthier call with another friend who inspires me a lot. A few minutes chatting with him gets me rejuvenated. And yea I got my nerves on point once again.
Exactly!
To get some sleep, I decided to check on my favourite soapie, House of Zwide on some FB page. They usually post episodes in advance and some of us can binge watch 2 or 3 episodes at once. I don’t know if its not copyright infringement but well am just a viewer. If its any harm, askies, to the HOZ team. I do this in good faith, since the storyline is so captivating that I wish it was a novel, I could have finished reading it by now. Talking of faith, am really worried about Faith Zwide. Her mental breakdown triggered some memories. It helped me see the gap of our understanding in mental health matters as Africans. I got to question myself that are ghosts really there or its her guilty conscience playing bananas with her. Being black am thinking her issue needs exorcism but now a little enlightened on mental health, I feel some professional medical attention can set her free.
Simply, my favourite so far.
Its sad that Funani and Nkosi actually believe that she is faking it. They don’t know uBusi won’t rest until she takes Faith’s soul too. Why is she haunting her now though after 20 years of Ona not knowing her true identity? This then makes me believe that, her mind is now conscious that she is getting down. Because she is overwhelmed and under so much stress, the mind can no longer take it in hence the hallucinations. Mental health conditions are the worst so far because not many understand them.
Before the mental breakdown…
Many are ashamed to talk about them or even just acknowledging they are not okay. I always say this, its okay not to be okay cos I too got not-okay-moments at times. It sucks not being yourself, dealing with demons that only you can see. Good thing is nothing ever stays the same. Whenever it gets dark and cloudy, rains are closer. It might pour on you but be rest assured, the rainbow will cover the sky and calm the raging storm. The sun will shine again and all will be well. Uzoba strong Ms Faith, you haven’t been my favourite character but on this one am with you.
I have had a lot of questions on the event that I have been advertising lately though it has been postponed due to some unforeseen circumstances. Many people were asking, “What exactly is an inner child?” So, since I got you all my ladies at heart and I promised to keep you in my writings this month, I will do so. The other gender, get me right, please, inner child thingy is not only female 🤣, everyone has their inner child. Okay so, what exactly do I mean by this inner child thing? 🤔 “A person’s supposed original or true self, especially when regarded as concealed in adulthood,” Google says.
It all takes some healing time…
Am sure now you understand why our theme had been awakening your inner child. If there is anything we can all long for, it is to be our true selves. The original us without any traumas, heartbreaks, disappointments, I mean, all that made you lose yourself. According to Health Psychology Consultancy, there are 7 inner child types, I will brief you on in this blog namely; the abandoned playful, spoiled, neglected, discounted, disconnected and fearful child.
You need to converse with her…
Abandoned Child feels very lonely, insecure and unwanted, and craves attention and safety; fears of abandonment accompany the adult person, even in relationships. Busy, divorced or separated parents are often the main reason for the child feeling unwanted and struggling with issues of abandonment.
Neglected Child shows itself in depressed, lonesome and withdrawn adults. Not having experienced much love and nurturing during childhood, the person doesn’t know how to express it, and believes that they are unworthy of being loved.
Playful Child an often forgotten, healthy part of the creative adult personality that knows how to have spontaneous fun, and is relatively free of guilt and anxiety.
Spoiled Child shows up as impatient adults that tend to throw temper tantrums when immediate gratification of needs and wants isn’t readily forthcoming.
Fearful Child needs to hear continuous affirmation and encouragement otherwise the adult is nearly always filled with anxiety and panic. As a child, the person received a lot of criticism from caregivers.
Disconnected Child manifests in the adult that cannot trust easily, and stays isolated and uninvolved; intimacy is a fearful and foreign experience, because the developing child never had the opportunity to learn what it means to be close to someone.
Discounted Child this child was treated as if they didn’t exist and was made to feel invisible and generally ignored; in adulthood, self-belief and positive valuation is virtually absent, and the adult needs consistent loving attention and support to feel validated.
That’s all you can ever do for her…
Generally, you might feel you have one or more of these inner child and its perfectly okay. You can heal from all the inner child wounds. All you gotta do is listen to your inner child, accept her, validate her and value all the difficult emotions that emerge from taking time with her. So, awakening your inner child helps you to discover her, know how to embrace her and how to engage with her regularly. It might take a while for her to trust you completely but eventually you will get there. Simply trust the process.
Hello August, I have been waiting for you. Your windiness reminds me that, there is always a time to shed off all that is dead and unwanted from your system. It mighty be a little dusty but the bigger picture is all we gotta focus on; shedding off 😊.
May August offer you the best in all your endeavours…
As we celebrate women’s month in South Africa, I want every woman to remember that they are important. We been labeled as the weaker vessels even in the Bible but we all know how strong we are. We can stand terrible period cramps, endure excruciating labour pains, and raise a whole human being. The most exciting part of a woman, is the ability to multiply all she touches. Amazing, right?
Women can embrace every situation…
Each time you wanna doubt yourself, remember that a world without women would be dead. So, it’s high time, ladies please, we value and embrace who we are. Have the ability to stand for what you believe in, go for your dreams and never let anyone suppress you.
Yes, Sisi, you can!
Watch out for red flags wherever you are. It’s time not to settle for anything less. I feel nudged to talk about a lot of things that affects my gender, but today I will end here. Your take home is if you are a woman reading this, you are blessed beyond measure, tap into your greatness and enjoy the wonderful gift of life. And if you are a man reading this, take this month to appreciate every woman in your life, shower them with so much love and make it a daily habit even after this month.
Know your position and stick to what you deserve…
Ooops before, I leave, ladies in and around South Africa, let’s all meet this monthend to celebrate this exciting women’s month. Check out the flyer below, register by clicking on this Google form 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾 https://forms.gle/i5SpaJTwRaYxV6do9
I have learnt to mind my own business but some happenings just get on my way and am forced to mind them too. So, Russia and Ukraine are in war, at first I was indifferent about it all. Not that I don’t care about humanity but then am like, ‘…can’t the Ukrainian President just surrender because Russia doesn’t look like it will back off anytime soon…’
This war is now getting personal ever since the petroleum prices hiked. A 2l cooking oil bottle that was once not more than R50 has doubled the price. Now everything else is increasing the price and when you are on a salary based income, you are so much in trouble. Its not enough and it will never be enough. You wonder of side hustling and your boss wants all your time to themselves. Yea, you gotta bring results coz they are the ones paying you 😂 the best favour they are doing to you. How ironic?
I have gone back to my New Year’s resolutions to check if I have made any progress and realised out of my 6 first quarter goals, only 2 have been fulfilled. The other 4, they seem like they will take years. I have been frustrated but then consoled myself by saying we still got 9 more months to go. Only what’s needed is to sit down and restrategise. A contigency plan needs to be set before you suffocate. One thing am grateful for is my coping mechanisms have greatly improved over the years so, I face each new day with as much positivity as possible, price hikes or not!
As we celebrate this women’s month, I have been pondering on what it takes to be a woman specifically, a black African woman. I am proud to be who I am, and I have worked so hard to embrace my imperfections. This morning as I was dressing up for work, I took some time to stare at myself on my full-length mirror. There is a lot that I marvelled at on the way I look. My imperfect yellow teeth, thick lips, dark skin, and plumpness.
Be whole!
As I grinned at the thoughts that raced in my mind, I strolled in the memory lane. I remembered when I was in primary school and Samm, my friend would always make uncomfy comments about my teeth. She had the perfect white teeth, and I can’t deny she looked way prettier than me. One comment that is still vivid in my mind was, “Tabi, I wonder why your mouth doesn’t stink yet you have yellow teeth.” Perhaps it was meant to be a compliment but that got me conscious on how yellow my teeth were and how much it was associated to stinking mouth. On a good note at least, I didn’t have a bad breath.
Simply that!
Instead of letting this strip me off my confidence, I took some time to study my teeth. Of course, I once longed they were as white as Samm’s, but I wasn’t her and was never going to be her. I realised that its normal to have yellow teeth and in as much as my teeth are not perfectly aligned but they give me a perfect smile. A lot of people have complimented how much I have a grand smile. This has helped me understand that my thick lips are beautiful too. I once hated them when a girl named Bee in high school once nick named me Maromo (Big lips). Later, I realised some people go for surgery to get their lips thickened.
I smile cos am black and beautiful!
Looking at my overall physical appearance, I got chubby in my teens and felt so much unattractive. I had to vow that I would not date in high school because I felt no guy would ever want a chubby girlfriend. When I was 14, Pson the first guy who asked me out, made me realise I wasn’t bad after all. I remember him saying, “You are so chubby and cute that’s why I love you.” This compliment got me understanding that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and no one is ugly. We all are beautiful in our own ways.
Don’t be scared to believe in you and say it!
Growing up I have also observed that the lighter skinned women attract a lot of attention. This has made a lot of my sisters bleach their skin. I for one has been proud of my melanin skin but have an older sister whom I look alike to, but she is lighter. At times she says, “I wonder why people say we look alike yet I am light, and you are dark.” I used to feel like she is boasting about her lightness until I discovered that black is beauty. I love how flawless my dark skin is and would never trade it for anything.
Melanin dripping 😊
So, to every woman out there, you are beautiful the way you are, keep that in mind. Each day when you wake up take some time to marvel at your looks. When you put on make-up, do it to enhance your looks not to hide your ill feelings on how you look. Work out to have a perfect body for you not anyone else if you feel the need to. Whatever that you do on your body, is your choice and it doesn’t have to be pushed by all the negative comments that come your way. You are amazing, just the way you are!
Last night my aunt sent me a video of my almost 3-year-old daughter trying to shoot her a video and she was not interested. The video starts with her complaining, “handisi kuda kutorwa picta…” (trans; I don’t want to be taken a picture). She was busy chasing a blue balloon and when she noticed that they were still filming her, she rushed and hid behind the curtain leaving her balloon still shouting, “handisi kuda kutorwa picta…” Within a few seconds, she came out of her hiding spot hoping that the videographer had given up. To her frustration, they had not given up. She took her balloon and went to hide by the side of the sofa now in tears. When she realised, they were not going to stop and everyone was laughing at her resilience, she rushed to attack the videographer. I could see the devastation in her eyes as she cried and hit Aunt telling her to stop. People around were laughing and asking her why she was not interested.
You owe no one an explation for what you don’t like. Periodt.
This hit me so hard, at what point do people really get to understand a NO? My daughter wasn’t interested, and she made it clear but to everyone else it was some sort of a joke. What I loved was she was brave enough to fight. She had to do whatever it takes to defend her choice. I hope she grows up that way, having the spirit of shielding herself. There are predators out there so the fighter in you needs to be kept alive, only to be used when need be. Of course, I don’t want her to develop violent traits. Everyone deserves to be heard.
Stand tall and keep your pride!
I hope our society learns to respect other people’s choices. A no should be treated as such whether it feels silly or not. The fact that one is not interested in a particular thing they have to say it unapologetically. Our kids need to feel listened to so that they may also listen when we tell them to stop doing something. Every little thing that happens to them in these early stages, its shaping them into the adult you will see in future. Its on us to mould them into the best versions of themselves from a young age. They are indeed the future of tomorrow.
As I continue celebrating my third decade on earth and my birthday month, I thought I should write about change. Change is a process that many of us are not flexible with. Personally, I struggle with changes. If I set my mind on something, it must go the way I have pictured it in my mind. There is no grey for me, its either black or white. This has taken a toll on my emotional well being because I get so much devastated and frustrated when faced with changes. Eventually, I adapt and adjust but after so much self-negotiations and analysis.
This is the right time to change for you
Every January of each new year, we are so much hyped talking of resolutions and new beginnings. How many of us have really followed through the change pattern? I will speak for myself, I have managed to do 50% of that which I have longed to transform in each year, ever since I started jotting down my resolutions when I was 13. So, it means in 16 years excluding this year which has just begun, writing down an average of 10 resolutions a year that gives me 160 resolutions and 80 of them have been ticked off the list for good. I hope I have done my math well because it took me a lot of revision to gain the B that I earned in mathematics at O’ level.
True beauty lies in transformation
My transformation rate hasn’t been so bad, I suppose. I strongly feel I need to up it to a 100% from this season going upwards. For 2022, I got 12 resolutions on my list which I have converted to smart goals. I strongly believe, I will be ticking all of them off the list because for the first time, I finally created my vision board and stuck it where I clearly see it and be reminded that I am on a goal-fulfilling mission. I am equipped with my change tools and everyday when I wake up, I remind myself that I need the change as I focus on my theme #METAMORPHOSIC 30. I am ready to show my beautiful wings from the ugly caterpillar that I have been for the past years.
Becoming a beautiful butterfly
Change is a process which requires your commitment to pull through. Set it in your mind, put it down in black and white, remind yourself constantly that you are meant to change and bound to. Its never too late to be that change you want to be. Even if you experience some relapses on your way to change, pick yourself up and continue. You only fail yourself if you quit evolving. The world will surely be a better place if we all yearn to be our better then best versions of us.
Tales Of Tabitha 