Sometimes I rise
In the stillness of the night,
Sleep evades me,
And the overthinker takes the stage.
A million questions whirl in my mind,
Each one unanswered,
Breaking me, hurting me.
Yet, I cling on until dawn.
The sunrise brings new light,
Illuminating my darkest fears.
I yearn for the day to linger,
But it slips away, only hours until nightfall.
I crave a peaceful sleep,
With dreams so sweet they wash my cares away.
I hold onto the hope that one day,
My wish will be granted.
I hear them in the silence of the night.
Fear grips me, and I wonder if I should check who it is.
They draw closer to the door;
I hear a gentle knock.
My heart skips a beat.
I just can’t get up,
and I continue to wonder who this visitor could be at such an odd hour.
I can’t go out right now, and I don’t know who to reach out to.
I glance at the clock—two more hours until dawn.
Winter nights feel endlessly long and dark.
Whoever it is, I hope they’re just passing by.
I need to get back to sleep.
Why is it that when love treats you so well,
and everything flows in the right direction, something bad happens?
I want to believe that the saying “love loves me not” is a fallacy.
After a long time hiding in my shell, far away from love,
he stole my heart—not just a piece, but all of it.
I am trapped under the spell of his affection.
He tells me I’m the only one,
and I believed him until recently, when I got a call from Mercy.
She begged me to let her have her man with some grace.
Oh, God, how did I not see this coming?
I feel so foolish. 🤦🏾
How can I let him go?
He is everything I’ve been waiting for.
Babe, how could you do this to me?
I have given you my all.
You know it,
you see it,
you feel it.
Isn’t that enough?
You tell me you’ve been wanting to let her go, but it’s been tough.
Really?
So why would you come to me and make me believe you’re the only one?
It hurts to know that these past five months have been full of lies.
I want you to be mine and mine alone.
I can’t stand this betrayal.
My heart is bleeding, my love.
You’ve struck me where it hurts the most.
My heart is now just pieces.
Do you know how much effort I put into mending it?
Only for you to come and shatter it again.
You betrayed me, mudiwa.
I cry and hope that I heal soon.
He was used to abusing me,
Every night, I’d satiate his desire, silently.
But one night, I vowed it would end.
I hid a knife under the pillow, my heart aching to transcend.
Never fighting back, I’d weep,
As he’d threaten to end my life if I’d speak.
But as he groaned in satisfaction, I made my move,
Slowly pulling the knife, I jabbed it through his heart, a wicked groove.
I had to pick up my broken pieces,
He had destroyed my childhood, a heartbreaking release.
I was only 13, and he was my mother’s lover,
A sad truth Mama only discovered after the attempted murder.
He wailed, rolling off me,
I ran to the police, naked, to set me free.
Fortunately, the cut wasn’t too deep,
They locked him up for twelve years, a sentence to keep.
At least I got therapy to heal,
A long, hard journey, but I’m learning to feel.
Free from the chains that bound me tight,
I’m rising up, a survivor, shining with new light.
In the stillness of the night,
thoughts of you drift through my mind.
How did our paths intertwine?
From where did you emerge?
A village boy, humble and unassuming,
in a world so vast,
a city girl like me seemed worlds away.
I could craft a thousand reasons,
explain how you weren’t my type,
yet, like a thief in the dark,
you stealthily captured my heart.
Unbeknownst to me,
I fell, head over heels,
our love story blossomed,
growing organically,
little by little,
deepening with each shared moment.
Your gaze, warm and sincere,
your smile, a gentle caress,
made me melt like snow in spring.
You reminded me how love can sweep us away,
but you were never truly mine to hold.
I savored each fleeting moment,
now left with only echoes
of our perfect times together.
I am wired to be perfect
For there hasn’t been a room for any mistake
In my entire life
Each door for excuses is securely locked
Perfection is a requirement
To which if I fail to uphold
I will be doomed
But wait, I am an imperfect being!
Who cares?!
Every mistake made calls for a punishment
How do I unwire the perfectionism
And just acknowledge my imperfections
Because none of us is perfect
We are all full of blemishes
And there is no need for any denigration to anyone whatsoever
Embrace me as I am and allow me to learn from my mistakes
Without so much condemnation
I can only be my best version not perfect.
He stripped off my clothes passionately
And I stood in front of him unashamed
Waiting for his longing hands to sweep all over me
But instead he looked aside in disgust
My nakedness was no longer as appealing as before
I was no longer appetising
It is at that moment I felt so naked and empty
Although I was carrying his offspring
He hated me because I conceived against his will
No kids, we had promised each other
But did I not take the morning after pill on time?
My strong biology background would never allow me to falter
But it is at this one time that science failed me
And I felt so naked that I hated every fibre of my being
Why did I ever allow him to take off my clothes so that he could look at me in distaste?
He acrimoniously whispered in a hostile voice,
“Get rid of that bloody monster and I can enjoy you once again…”
He banged the door leaving me naked and dumbstruck
Why had I conceived against all odds?
That instant thought made me once again find pride in my nakedness
And I vowed to keep that which was growing within me
He would never see me naked ever ever again
So, I dressed up and left the cursed room feeling blessed and whole again
Still in the consistency spirit, I was about to miss my weekly target so decided to drop this piece I recently wrote. I literally shed some tears jotting it down, someone somewhere have gone through this and may they heal from all the trauma caused.
It reads….
“What’s your body count?”
I scream, “If you know it then what?”
I lost my virginity at thirty
To a gang rape of eight
different men
I felt the different dicks torturing my innocent pussy
In less than any hour I had felt all types, big, small, dark, light, circumcised, uncircumcised, shaved and unshaved
Yea, I visited the rape clinic and got treated
But where I come from we don’t believe in therapy
Physically I healed but mentally, am a broken piece
Since then sex has been my favourite hobby
Maybe it will help fill the void that was left within
I am now forty and have slept with twenty men a year
So, you are definitely my 201 body count
Thanks to the elasticity of the walls
You can’t even tell how many have dug through them
It’s fulfilling; makes me forget how I lost my dignity
How could I keep myself safe all that long only to be attacked ferociously?
I hate it when you ask me,
“What’s your body count?”
Cos’ you honestly don’t wanna know
Eeish am now used to start sharing by saying, ‘its been long…’ Well, yea I seriously need to repent and master the consistency game cos’ this ain’t good at all. I need to keep tuned to the followers on this blog. You all did a great job offering your subscription but this Writer is constantly disappointing. “Hey Tabitha, behave!” From now on, I will be more loyal cos’ it’s not like the tales aren’t there but I just kinda find myself super occupied with all kind of stuff out there.
So, today I decided to drop a piece of poetry I wrote a couple of months ago. May it help us not to be too hard on our offsprings; its okay to discipline and reprimand them but may it be with so much love. The piece reads…
I remember when your loudiness used to upset me; dear son, dear daughter. How you would scream early in the morning whilst taking your shower, waking me up from my sweet dreams. How you would sing your nursery rhymes all day long, disturbing my daily thought process. When pricked, how you would put up those crazy tantrums.
I remember how I let out complaint after complaint, how I screamed at you and even spanked you to get you silent; dear son, dear daughter. Now you are older and the silence is deafening. The message I sent to you sank deep within. You spend much time locked in your room. Are you exploring your body? Who are you talking to? I mean, if you cant talk to me. At times I hear you sobbing silently.
Honestly, I miss your noise. Please daughter, please sonny, open the door for me, come out into the hallway, scream and sing all you want. I want to hear the sound of your voice. I promise never to shut you up ever again.
Love mummy, love daddy.
_tellAtale_
03.04.2023:1045hrs
So, today I am going all poetic. This piece I wrote it whilst thinking of how I will recite it on stage. Disclaimer: Its just a poem nothing personal 😂. I am a Spoken Word Artist in making, my trainer Mr Morset Billie has sabotaged me 😂, maybe am taking too long to get the drill. Anyways, I believe soon I will be bracing the stage cos he is such a great teacher and am learning from the best. Enjoy❣
I woke up thinking of…
About him whom my soul
vowed to stick to…
With every fibre of my being
I loved him so much…
Dearly that I thought he will never leave me
My complains were deeper cries for him to come closer
Rather away they pushed him far far…
I tried stretching my arm to reach him
That’s only when I realised my shortness
Gone, for good, he is…
I miss him but I lost all that I ever had about…
Of him who could gimme goosebumps and butterflies at the same time
Is he still having flashbacks of us…
Together walking hand in hand on the seashore
Our laughter filling the atmosphere
And love reigned
We felt it in our nakedness as we caressed each other…
Deep to the soul
But now there are all memories
He is gone….
_tellAtale_
23.08.2022 : 0630hrs
Tales Of Tabitha 