Insecurities made by one’s promiscuity
I couldn’t let go, consumed all the toxicity
And they now suffocate
My innocent soul
I lost trust in all masculinity
Each time history acts like its playing repeat
I cower into my shell
Each missed call on a Friday night
Gets me into a relapse of the trauma once caused
By being with a cheat
I lost trust in that gender
They say it is earned
But how do I express my fears without showing the insecurities?
I wanna be the perfect girl
Who shines through it all
But the anxiety of what he is doing when he is MIA drains me
“Heal first.”
They tell me
Each time I make that move to be with the next one
Deep inside I feel I have healed
But scars always remain
And its like the wounds never heal
As each time he blue ticks my Whatsapp messages
I turn red with rage
I want him to know my fragility
But I have been taught to be strong
Big girls don’t cry, I remind myself
Maybe he is just too busy
And well, he is not that one
I lost trust in the one I wanna have children with
Should I keep holding on?
Giving him the benefit of doubt?
Maybe he aint what I met in my past
And his reasons for being MIA and the blue ticks are genuine
He apologies when I open my mouth to complain
Wait…. isn’t what that one would do?
Impatience doesn’t exist in my vocabulary
I take my time in taking in all the shenanigans
The scars aren’t healing coz the wounds got deeper
I moved on because I vowed never to loose hope in love
But the insecurities forever linger
I wish he knew how dark my past has been
So that he wont bring the memories back again
💔

TalesOfTabitha

_tellAtale_

12.06.2022: 2221hrs